That time I cried in the mat.

They say the average woman cries at least once a month… but we are not average women.

I’ve read that a lot of women cry at least once in the mat, we can’t help it, it doesn’t makes us weak though, we are just designed that way; Some cry for frustration when they wrestle with someone larger than them for the first time like big guys, other’s when they win a fight, others for being judged or left out. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, so lets talk about it.

When I started training I felt lucky because even though I was the only girl in the group I felt like part of the family. It was until I had my first roll with another girl, this (un-named girl) is cool and we had a tournament together some time ago and she gave me pointers and everything, I really got to know her until after this experience which now that I think about it was probably not as bad as I tought it was, I guess I just didn’t know her well.

Note: I may have exaggerated a bit but this is how I saw things that day. Now I see it with different eyes since I know this girl, and she’s cool.

So it’s a regular day at the gym, I’m training with my buddies its only been 2 months since I started or so and a girl walks in, a girl that’s been there for longer than I have and has tournament experience, so my sensei thought it was a great idea for me to roll with another girl, I was exited so I did.

She walks up to me and with gum in her mouth (chewing and rolling, big nono guys, seriously) and she asks me if I was the new dumb chick in the pink Gi that everyone was talking about… I was like what? who is this girl?

I was nervous after that, well obviously she taped me out several times, but the issue wasnt that I was being taped out, it was that I taped and she wouldn’t let go… It took her  like ten seconds (that seemed like 20 at the time, LOL) before she let go so she hurt me, several times, badly. I was so angry, I rolled twice with her because I was told to, finished my rounds and ran home. I felt frustrated, helpless, and angry, I didn’t want to roll with girls for a while after that, but that’s the sport. I cried because I felt bullied, there are so little girls in the sport and instead of supporting each other, we are proud, over protective of the spot we earned in the group, and sometimes even mean to each other.

After that I knew I wanted to help women into the sport and that’s why I have this blog, yet I never had the courage to talk about it before.

I cried alone outside the gym for no one to see me, because I didn’t want to be seen as a weak person, because I tought I had to prove something to someone, but now I know better.

Why am I telling you this? because you’re not alone, and it doesn’t make us less of an athlete to cry. I’ve been training at the same gym for over a year and a half now, I made great friends a long the way and have earned a spot, however I saw that happen to another new girl, she’s awesome and I think it’s unfair that we are doing this to each other.

I’ve heard the frase Blood, sweat and tears… but us girls… we can help each other with the tears.998

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